How to get back together and save your relationship or marriage
If you want help, I am an excellent relationship diagnostician. In one coaching session I can tell you exactly what went wrong in your relationship and show each of you how you contributed to the situation. Find out how I help couples in a 40-minute sample Get Clarity Couples Coaching Session. Work on yourselves. These are the most critical steps you can take to succeed in getting back together and staying that way: Work on the issues and personality traits that got you and your relationship into trouble. Work on these issues wholeheartedly, because if you don’t, you will lose the relationship. Do everything in your power to turn your issues around. Together, read all the helpful books you can get your hands on. Take classes and attend groups together. Get yourselves a coach or therapist. Take significant action daily to show each other you care and value each other and your relationship. Deal with the pain the two of you caused each other. When ready, each of you needs to talk about the pain caused by the other, with each person listening intently and taking it in. You both need to share the pain, listen to each other and find a way to truly forgive and start anew. Talk to each other often. Make sure you communicate clearly with each other about what you want and expect in the relationship. Make sure that you both know what each one of you is agreeing to do or not do.
Commit to the relationship. It’s very hard to work on a relationship when either of you has one foot out the door. If you have the attitude of, “If this or that doesn’t work, I can’t be here,” it’s almost certain that your relationship will fail. To get back together and stay together you two must commit to the relationship and to each other deeply. You both must commit to try and try again to make your relationship work. Instead of taking the attitude of defining conditions that would make you leave the relationship, decide that you are in fact going to get what you want in your relationship. The question to ask is not if you are going to get what you want, but when, and how you are going to get more of what you want so that both of you are happy. Figure out what went wrong in your relationship or marriage. To save your relationships or marriage, both of you must honestly look at what you did to get your relationship to its current state. All defensiveness must be set aside, all excuses thrown out the window, so you can honestly see what happened. It does your relationship absolutely no good to point fingers at each other. And it is a disservice to your relationship if only one of you is willing to own the blame or responsibility for what happened. Both of you must come to the table equally willing to own everything you have contributed to the current state of your relationship.